God's Fencepost: Sex, Sex and More Sex!

I love sex.  I always have.  Its raw, carnal, biological draw is coded somewhere deep within my DNA.  I can’t help it – I’m a slave to masculinity and the sweet surrender of passion is my muse.  Chocolate be damned, I’ll take my untamed man every day of the week. . .and I’m positive that I’m not the only good Christian girl who feels this way.

Oooo – this may get uncomfortable for a few of you, but stay with me.

Like many, my religious upbringing ran contrary to my innate sexual instincts.  I was raised in a Southern Baptist church that unwaveringly subscribed to the tenets of “no sex before marriage.”  We were so resolute, in fact, that alternative education (i.e. birth control, biology and condoms) was not only absent from the discussion, but labeled as “evil.”  Our doctrine even went as far as to say that I would be nailing Jesus to the cross again and again if ever I were to succumb to the “cravings of my flesh.”  It was a confusing education, to say the least. 

So did it work?  Was I virgin when I walked down the aisle? 

Of course not - I loved fiercely with unapologetic abandon and begged for mercy at church, youth group and bible study. 

My story is not unusual. . .at all. . .which is a problem, because uninformed religious leaders worldwide are creating sexually broken and confused people.  If you don’t believe me, judge this issue by the fruit it's bearing:  sexually suppressed ministers, priests, youth pastors and Sunday school teachers are being exposed weekly for having inappropriate relations with children and teenagers.  Young people are feeling so guilty every time they “do it” that they end up marrying someone with whom they are completely incompatible.  Adults are getting divorced because their sense of intimacy is suffering from an ill-interpreted set of bible verses.  Healing needs to takes place. . .and soon. 

Now I’m not saying that the media and Hollywood are blameless here, but something within the walls of many of our churches is broken!  Sexuality is NOT a dirty little secret that can be molded into a homogeneous definition by theologians and chase clergyman.  Our sexuality varies individually and is a unique gift from God that should be nurtured with the utmost respect, wisdom and care.    

Let me be clear, I’m not advocating for a sexual free-for-all.  Sex nowadays is dangerous and can result in disease, unwanted pregnancies and irrevocable heartbreak.  However, God crafted sexuality into our biology and we need not ignore it.  Our education (both in the church and in schools) must, at the very least, acknowledge that we all rage with hormones.  We must admit that many of our teachings have been misguided.  Labeling a healthy, normal sexual instinct as “bad” or “evil” will catapult a curious teenager right into the bed of his/her beloved every single time. 

 

Sex education should begin and (never) end with the wisdom of our ancient, scientific, and experiential truths; it should be an “all of the above” approach.  God intended sex to be sacred and when taught from this perspective, our children are fully capable of making wise, safe choices.    

The "prophecies" given to me in my youth were false.  Good or bad, I had sex long before I was married and don’t "regret" a single one of my lovers.  Thankfully, I safely arrived on the other side of my adventures with only the scars of heartbreak - a price that I would gladly pay again.  Neither my husband nor I were "disappointed" on our wedding night, but rejoiced in the wisdom gained.  I do agree that sexuality absolutely "deepens when one marries", but in no way do I feel "judged by God" (and neither should any of you) for my "sexual immorality."  Abstinence is a noble choice, just not for me - I am far too spirited and would have gone insane.  So, combined with a biology and safety lesson - these are the truths that we will pass onto our children.  Will our kids be virgins when/if they marry?  I don’t know, maybe not.  I do know, however, that I will provide them with every possible resource, I will never lie to them about my past and/or use scare tactics to guilt them into submission. . .the question now is - will you?

ACTION STEP:
 
I know that there are a lot of people who have been both sexually broken and sexually repaired by churches.  Therefore, join me today in prayer/meditation for those who are struggling down the road to sexual recovery and for those congregations who are bold enough to speak Truth. . .the whole Truth.

Usually the donation/tithe section of God's Fencepost relates to the post of the day.  However, there are hundreds of children in Haiti that my friend, Megan Boudreaux, is currently trying to house, feed and educate.  The situation is dire and they need our help.  So, if you're led - please "LIKE" HER FB PAGE HERE and/or to donate" CLICK HERE.


 

 
God’s Fencepost is a weekly meditation/devotional that deals with morality and current events.  I, Shannon Ivey, am an openly flawed human being who simply pens what I perceive to be the important reflections of God’s mercy, creativity and unconditional love.  My mother always said that God can use something as simple as a fencepost as a mouth-piece, so that’s what my column humbly aims to be. . . “God’s Fencepost.”